How I left (unconscious) creation of chaos behind to find more creative vitality on the other side
After 2,5 years in the former warehouse that is a cosy home and creative studio, I can truly say I fully landed there. After a nomadic period of 5 years this of course brings a different kind of stability and calm. From the free bird adventures I transitioned slowly into a more steady phase of deepening. Deepening connections and deepening creativity.
In the last two years my creative vitality really upgraded. It flows so much more freely. How did that happen?
Leave the chaos-addiction
For several reasons I have more inner calm, so there is less chaos (in my head, in my life) and so less distractions from doing more of what I love most. Dare to leave (unconscious) creation of chaos behind and creative vitality will appear.
And with chaos, I do not mean traveling or my nomad phase, I’m talking about chaos in your life that might manifest as always feeling busy and not having time for anything or even constant stress, being in problematic relationship(s) that take up your precious life force, having the same work problems coming back to you in every job…
But whyyyyy?
There are many hidden (again, often unconscious) reasons for creating chaos, that vary for each person. Chaos might give us a dopamine hit (although through a negative means, it still works) and/or a feeling of being alive. Or we might feel we have a right to be alive when we work hard or struggle. When we hide behind chaos, we do not have to shine fully or do what we long most, but feels scary at the same time. Just to name a few.
It took me a long time, the courage to look deeper within and many life lessons to break free from the personal chaos patterns I (unconsciously) created in my life. But it was needed (for me) to reach a certain inner stillness and so be able to live more of my (creative) potential.
But what about a chaotic brain?
As a highly creative, my brain will always be a somewhat chaotic. You know, when you have ten ideas at the same time and get overwhelmed (and then put nothing out in the world). Or you start 3 new passion projects, but find it so hard to actually finish them when you lose momentum. Or your ideas are so big, you have no clue how you can frame it and make it concrete.
But I learned that by understanding the way my brain functions, there’s a certain order within the chaos. It’s like when I lived in Bali for a while. To us tourists the traffic there, with all the motorbikes, seems extremely chaotic. But when I lived there, I started to see that it’s actually like a living organism. As bird flocks or groups of fish. They are connected by paying attention and are intuitively aligned. The ones that actually disturb this organism of local motorbikes, are the tourists themselves. They just try to follow rules, but not really watch and feel… It’s a beautiful metaphor for live (and for the creative brain), I found.
“In understanding my chaotic brain, that is less chaotic then I thought, I found an important key to actually live the creativity of my heart, gut and soul”
Chaotic brain? Framing and boundaries!
Furthermore I needed to fully own what I personally need to thrive creatively. For me that’s for example structure; to tame the 1000 ideas floating in my head always. So frame it and create boundaries within my creativity.
Like:
Carving out set times in the week.
Going to a space with others to create (cause at home I often have too many distractions or I just want to relax after a busy day).
Preferably I pay for a space to work, as it helps me commit. So I go a few times a month to a ‘Clay Club’ where I can freely make ceramics with likeminded creatives. I go once a week to a painting class for my painting time. And I rent a beautiful workspace for just one daypart a week to commit to writing my next book. It gives me focus and I do not have any distractions that keep me from my creative work.
Deadlines work really well for me when it’s a project or new book I’m working on. So for example from the publisher. Cause unfortunately my own set deadlines do not work so much 🙄.
So it’s worth it to really feel into what you need to make your creative longings happen.
I can write a whole book about this topic, and maybe one day I will. But for now I’m reaping the fruits that grow from this specific phase in my life. Learning more and more what I personally need to live this connected and creative life.